From the Depths of Sorrow is a series in which I reveal my heart and personal journey through my grief. Our son, William, passed away at age 11 months and 10 days on April 24, 2012. He is dearly missed by everyone in our family and we hope to live a life worthy of reuniting with him and our first child that we lost through miscarriage.
Inside My Heart
Sometimes the sorrow is crushing. I find it hard to imagine anything hurting more because this is the most I’ve ever hurt. My sadness weighs on me like a ton of bricks crushing my spirit. I feel in the depths of sorrow. Sometimes when I am here it is painful beyond belief. Sometimes when I am there it is enlightening.
I go down deep to a place that has stripped me of everthing. I feel completely barren and the only thing I have to cling to is faith. When all is gone only God is left. I think of Him like this rock that is strong and I thrust myself upon Him.
I realize just how little I am in this universe. I realize how nothing matters but loving God by loving others. I feel completely emptied of the cares of this world. I liken it to being on my death bed. Does anything really matter at that point? All that is left is to go out of this world.
From the Depths of Sorrow
by Veronica Wallace
Locked away in darkness
This is where I want to be
Gloom can encompass me
Sorrow can envelop me
Pain can consume me
Heartache can discourage me
Suffering can become me
I remain among the living and my vocation calls me to be in this world of needing to do stuff. I am called to care about the little things that seem so unimportant. I am called to care about the big things that do need my attention. I am called to continue despite my grief. I struggle to continue and go very slow, clinging to my rock.
Never Alone
by Veronica Wallace
I do not cry in secret
Away from God’s eyes
I do not suffer by myself
No, He is not standing by me
Saying everything will be okay
He is not comforting me
Telling me to be at peace
When I am in the depths
In the Garden of my agony
God sorrows with me
We sang the following verse in Church one day and I identified with it so readily that I wrote it down when I got home. “And when human hearts are breaking under sorrow’s iron rod, Then we find that self-same aching deep within the heart of God.” Timothy Rees hymnographer
Remember when you are suffering, God sorrows with you.