Another Child?

This can be an easy question or a difficult one.  Some desire to have another child but that desire remains unfulfilled.  Some don't even want to consider another child because life is just too hectic at present.  Some are just not sure if this is the "right" time.

Wherever you are on the question, maybe none of the above.  I would like to share our present situation with you.

In February, my husband and I knew that partaking in the marital embrace could result in a pregnancy.  Our little one was about to turn 9 months old.  He was crawling everywhere and getting into everything and bringing a smile to everyone's face as he did it. 

March came and my temperatures were up (we use natural family planning) and we were pretty sure I might be pregnant.  We did have some possible doubts because my cycles were also behaving in a premenopausal way.  We confirmed our pregnancy and told the kids on my daughter's 7th birthday at the end of March. 

Once in a while I would think about how I would do a task with a nursing baby and 17 month old running around.  I wouldn't spend much time pondering and just answer myself like I always did.  "God will help me and it will all work out."  This wasn't new because I always before had a new baby and and an older baby to care for together.  I told my now 10 month old that he was going to be a big brother.  I was hoping for a boy so they would be close in age and the same sex. 

All the kids knew the routine.  Mom is having a baby for us.  I always presented a new sibling as a gift to my children.  I think this helps avoid any negative feelings by the children because they know from the beginning it is more their baby than mine.  I am the one growing their gift.  Little ones would latch onto this excitement and hug or kiss my belly and say to me, "When are you going to get my baby out?"

Outsiders and unfortunately family members can look at an expecting mom with small children and think and say unkind discouraging words.  How are you going to take care of them all?  How are you going to watch a newborn and a toddler at the same time?  You should have waited longer before coming out pregnant again.

April came around and my baby turned 11 months old.  The one in my womb was around 10 weeks.  All was going well.  Everyone was growing, healthy, learning, loving, and enjoying life. 

On April 23, my happy, healthy, beautiful 11 month old stopped breathing and his heart stopped beating.  Totally unexpected and unexplainable.    On April 24, my 11 month old entered into eternal rest. 

Currently I am still pregnant, a little over 3 months.  I pray that I will carry this baby to term and have my arms filled once again.  This baby is by no means a replacement for our dear departed son, but amid my pain and sorrow, this baby represents a hope within me.  A hope to nurse again, a hope to hold a baby of my own again, a hope to kiss little feet again, and all the things that mommies love to do.

I present this story to you because the question of another child can seem clear cut at times or so we think.  We don't know the future and perspective can change overnight.  When we conceived our current pregnancy we had no idea, our baby son was going to die in a few months.  Don't be afraid to be open to life.  God will not give you anything that you can't handle.  If things are hard and it brings you to your knees and you're praying more- isn't that a good thing?  Don't misinterpret my thoughts; I am not saying, "Just have as many kids as you can and it will all work out."  

I just want you to prayerfully consider if another child is a question for you.  If you are expecting a baby now and wondering how you are going to accomplish it all; know that God is ready to take your efforts and bless them if you allow Him to do so. 

A Request for Prayers

I have a heart that is filled with sadness and joy at the same time.  How can this be?  Our beautiful, wonderful, sweet, 11 month old son, passed away on Tuesday.  He was picture perfect health and had a great day with all of us on Sunday.  I nursed him to sleep and didn't know that moment would be the last time I would see him and feel him with life in his body.  We don't know why or what happened, we might never know.  This is the sadness because we miss him dearly.

The joy comes from knowing that he died without sin on his soul.  He went straight from our arms into the arms of our loving Father.  It brings a tremendous amount of peace knowing that he is in eternal happiness. 

I desire with all my heart to live a life worthy of being able to see my son again.  I replay in my mind many things like watching him crawl around and then look up to smile at me.  He liked hanging out with me while I did the laundry and would pull all the letter magnets off of the refrigerator.  I would kiss his hands while he nursed and clap hands with him. 

I would always hold him and say, "Thank you God for William."  I encourage everyone to remember that life can send some very unexpected experiences - so live it with a heavenly goal in mind.  Don't have any regrets about the time, love, or support that you can give to others.  Love everyone to the fullest and if you have to say goodbye to a loved one then have the peace of knowing you truly loved them.

Please pray for our family.  William leaves behind 8 siblings here on earth and one that I carry in my womb.  We are all hurting and rejoicing as I mentioned before.  I know that we are floating on everyone's prayers for us.  Thank you.

As everyone is getting organized, we are getting disorganized!  At least that is how it feels in our household.  We have boxes in every room, some are lined along the hallways, others are stacked up high.  We have outgrown our house and are getting ready to move in a few weeks.

We really did our best to stay in this home and function, but we are literally tripping over each other.  We have 2 tables that are pushed against one another for our dining.  It is a challenge to get around the table for anything once everyone is sitting down.

Our youngest son has been living out of a suitcase on our bedroom floor for the past 7 months, since there isn't any space for him to have bedroom furniture or a room to put it in.

So with a heavy heart, we are packing away, and swimming in a sea of boxes.  This house has been good to us and we have made so many memories here for the past 11 years.  We have great neighbors all around us, which really probably kept us here longer.  We knew we weren't fitting, but there were so many positives that we just kept postponing the move.  Does anyone else feel sad when they move too?
 

I'm new to the world of blogging. In fact technology is changing so fast for me that some things that are already old news and out never made it to "in" for me. I guess in some ways I've been able to avoid some trendy stuff that wasn't worth the time or energy.

Being a homeschool mom takes a lot of time and energy and I just can't afford to be wasteful. At the same time, I think it's important to make room for personal growth and fulfillment or else we will be out of all the time and energy that we were trying to put to good use.

The question is always how to keep a balance between time wasting and simple rejuvenation? It actually takes a conscious effort to consider how we use our time and whether or not it was well spent. Only we can answer that question for our self in a honest way. If everything is crumbling around us and we are behind in our duties then get back on track and take control. If everything is crumbling around us and we are behind in our duties then maybe we need to take a break and regroup. See what I mean? It really boils down to taking a good honest look at ourselves and finding that balance.