The Bins

Each child in our family has a plastic bin.  This bin is either in their closet or under their bed.  These bins when used properly can be the answer to decluttering a bedroom and home!

My kids collect stuff and stuff just seems to find them.  A trip to the dentist will bring in array of novelties like spinning tops, parachute men, stickers, and more.  A birthday party hat or noisemaker might be just too much fun to throw away.  The mail brings circulars with pictures of doughnuts, ice cream, and other treats that should but cut out and gazed upon every few days.  Yes, my son carried around an advertisement for doughnuts for over a year!

So how can we find a home for all these amusements?  The bins have been the solution for our family.  Each child has their own plastic bin.  It is soley their property to place all the gadgets, papers, and important stuff that is not ready to be thrown away.  If it fits in the bin then it can be saved.  We have one simple rule:  no food or beverage is allowed to enter the bins.

About every six weeks we have a review time so the kids can go through the bins on their own and part with those items that have lost their fancy and make room for new items.  I will admit that on the days when everyone is reviewing the contents of their bins some trading does occur.  The spinning top may have lost its appeal to the 9 year old, but is now a wonder of revolution to the 5 year old.

 

 

Why the Kids Like the Bins

 

They don't have to throw away that special craft or trinket until they are ready.

It holds all the treasures that are individually special to them.

They know exactly where to find that special something that brings them a little enjoyment.

 

Why Mom Likes the Bins

 

It reduces the amount of clutter I see around the house.

I don't feel like a meanie making them get rid of something that is meaningless to me, but meaningful to them.

I have a place to direct them to put there stuff away when they find new treasures to behold.

Many families have started a new school year with all things running smoothly.  Some families are wondering about the preschoolers.  Should they have a plan?  Do they need a plan?  The answer can vary from day to day and be different for each child in your preschool age group.  We have developed a plan for our little ones that we use when needed.  Sometimes the little ones are content with their toys and have a great play day during the school day.  Other times they come asking for "twin time".

 

TWIN TIME

 

We call it twin time (named after our twin daughters) but the name really doesn't matter.  I'll explain how we use it in our home and then you take the parts you like along with your own inspirations and develop something that works for your family.  We've been doing twin time for several years and have used a variety of subjects such as:  music, craft, religion, storytime, learning, outside play, playtime, and you can add more.  I then assign each of my older children to a subject.  In our family there are usually about 4 or 5 older kids ready to have a fun time during their twin time.  We rotate the subjects among the older kids about every 2 months because all the big kids usually want a turn to do craft time, plus it keeps fresh ideas and approaches to utilize during that special subject time.

So what happens during twin time?  My older child takes a timer and sets it for 25 minutes.  During that time they have fun with the little ones focusing on the appointed subject.  During craft time for example they might do some painting, make something out of popsicle sticks and construction paper, or use yarn, glue, glitter, foam, colored tape, and other supplies to make a mask, puppet, or decoration.  When the timer beeps, the timer is reset for 5 minutes which is clean up time.

The older kids get a break from school and spend some sibling time with the littler kids and the little kids have fun.  Some days all the subjects are covered, other days the little kids are playing with their toys and then will decide they would like to have some twin time.  Usually if one of my older kids is done with their school work or almost finished I will let them take the first turn, other times an older child simply would like a break and volunteers. 

One of the key points is preparedness.  Before anyone leaves with a timer they have an idea about what they will be doing.  We make boxes that are filled with ideas for each subject and add to these boxes throught the year as we come across clearance items, gifts, or ideas in magazines or newspapers.  This time can be very simple or can get very enlivened.  My big kids thought it would be fun to have weekly themes.  So they made a list of themes for each week of our school year and focused their twin time around that theme. 

For example "At the Beach" could consist of reading books about characters that take trips to the beach for storytime.  During craft time the little kids can make clear bottles become a beautiful table centerpiece with layers of colored sand.  At playtime they can pretend they are packing for a beach trip by getting their gear together.  They then put on sunglasses and lay out their beach towel and play games with an inflatatable beach ball.  What about religion?  The mercy of Jesus is usually described as an ocean.  Talk about the ocean, show pictures from books and show how much water is on the earth with the use of maps and globes then do an experiment.  Fill a container with water and get an eyedropper and take a drop from your container and put it into an empty container.  The little kids will delight it doing something with their hands and getting a turn to put drop after drop into the unfilled container.  After a while they will get the idea that God's mercy is very great and more than we can imagine.

What I like best.  The little kids are learning and having fun and developing strong bonds with their older siblings.  My older children are loving their younger siblings and learning how to teach and have patience.  We do have a simple rule that the little kids must listen and follow directions or they can be excluded from that twin time activity.  It happened in the beginning a few times that a little one was sitting upstairs doing nothing while mom graded papers or helped another child.  My little ones quickly learned that they would rather mind than miss out on the activity.

What about Mom?  Well I don't have an official twin time.  I am usually the first stop in the showing off of the craft, color page, or getting to hear the exciting activity that just occurred.  And when your a mom time with your little ones can really be called anytime.  

 

EXTRA TIPS for very young ones:

 

Put your little ones in the high chair for craft time.  This helps your older child keep things under control since they can easily remove finger paint or other messy substances easily and not worry about it getting everywhere.

We also have a set of small old t-shirts we use as smocks that can get messy so their daily wear doesn't get stained.

Very small kids will not always stay still to hear a story or do an activity so train your big kids to go with the flow.  A storytime can turn into reading one page from 10 different books.  Sitting on the floor singing songs can turn into a parade singing around the room.

If you have a wider age span in preschoolers (an 18 month old and a 4 year old) consider having seperate fun times for each of them or have 2 older children assigned to the subject to help their partner at their age level.  There are many ways to work it out with your specific situation.  Even coming up with new subjects that appeal to both of them can be an option.  How about snack time?  (You can get fun and fancy with this one too!)

 

Remember to create something that works for your specific family and keep changing it as your family changes!

 

 

 

 

 

From the Depths of Sorrow is a series in which I reveal my heart and personal journey through my grief. Our son, William, passed away at age 11 months and 10 days on April 24, 2012. He is dearly missed by everyone in our family and we hope to live a life worthy of reuniting with him and our first child that we lost through miscarriage.

 Tragedy A Gift?

 

When I am brought low and hurting beyond my imagination, I can have radical thoughts.  At least I consider them to be in that category. 

In eternal life when all is revealed, I will see how great it is that God changed our family in this way.  How He saved William from sin and death.  How it makes me want to live a holy life.  How we were given a gift and allowed to share in the Divine experience of Good Friday.  I know it is not the same, but we too witnessed a pure soul that brought love into the world die.  My husband and I held our son in our arms as his heart took its last beats. 

At this point, I don't have any words of wisdom regarding tragedy.  It happens in this life and again a choice is to be made by those involved.  One can say that God is cruel to give us any sorrows or one can say God loves me and so I am given this sorrow. 

My tragedy is a gift from God.  A gift that I don't understand, a gift that I am only beginning to explore, a gift that doesn't feel like a gift, but I know that it is one to treasure.  Fortunately God has given us a guide, a crucifix that bears witness that tragedy is a gift.  One can take a good time meditating and looking at a crucifix in thanksgiving for the price that has been paid for our souls.  Now imagine yourself right up there on that cross; are you still thankful?  I hope you can be thankful.  It won't lessen your pain or make everything "right" but it will give you something.  It will give you something to hold onto and something to share with Him who went before you.

Embracing the cross is a challenge.  It becomes even more challenging when that cross feels bigger and heavier than you think you can carry.  It may even feel like it is crushing you and you can't bear its weight.  My advice is to allow it to crush you.  Allow it to be the gift that God wants to give you and don't fight it.  I don't want to run away from mine.  I want to learn to love it.  I'm beginning to see a small glimmer of what it means to love this cross.  I have a lot to learn.  There is a joy in suffering and a gratitude when we look at our crosses as a gift and not a burden.  The cross will still be a cross.  It will still be pain, hard, suffering, and more.  Carrying it or in my case lying underneath it will be my cross that I call my gift.

God makes lots of gifts.  Some of those gifts we get to cuddle and call them our friends and family.  Other gifts cuddle/crush us and make us part of another family- a heavenly communion.  Tragedy is difficult but when it is abhored it is wasted, when it is embraced it becomes a gift.

 

 Heartache

by Veronica Wallace

 

There's nothing God has done to me

That he didn't do first to Mary

No pain I suffer that is my own

Or sorrow that I bear alone

I see her heart encircled in flames

I feel it in my own the same

I know the tears that she has shed

I cry them to myself in bed

And yet I do not have it all

The grief she endured for the fall

A taste is what I have to share

Of her great love to not despair

For sadness great though it may be

God will bring joy eventually

 

From the Depths of Sorrow is a series in which I reveal my heart and personal journey through my grief. Our son, William, passed away at age 11 months and 10 days on April 24, 2012. He is dearly missed by everyone in our family and we hope to live a life worthy of reuniting with him and our first child that we lost through miscarriage.

Fruits of Sorrow

 

There is fruit from sorrow and suffering.  When a person chooses to accept the suffering as God's will, then a fruit of holiness lives within that person.  I am by no means declaring myself to be holy; rather that the potential for growth in holiness is made available to all of us when we accept God's will.  

One need not suffer from a great catastrophic event to tap into this desire for holiness.  It means accepting the daily mishaps, inconveniences, and difficulties that are present to us all.  Each moment we are given a choice to respond to events that are not our choosing or ideal situation.  Choosing holiness will be easy sometimes but when it is hard then the greater growth in our spiritual lives can occur.

To stop living for the desires of oneself and to live for the desires of He who created us sets us on a path to holiness.  Holiness is not something that is achieved and checked off the list in this life.  It is a journey that leads us closer to our Heavenly goal.  Sometimes we take steps backwards in this journey and this should always be a learning experience. 

The great thing about suffering is that it reminds us of our dependency on Christ.  We need His help to resist the temptations that come so easily.  The temptations to complain about how life is not fair, or that we deserve better, or we've worked so hard and it seems to make no difference- can turn us towards our self and away from Christ.

He is a model of suffering for us all and we need only look at a crucifix to see that there is great fruit to be found in suffering.  In my deep sorrow, when my heart aches in pain, and I can't imagine anything hurting worse than I feel at that moment- then I am given a choice.  Do I rebel and get angry or do I let suffering cover me completely?  In that soaking, that drenching of the soul in agony, I am cleansed.  I feel an outpouring of all that is me with sin, ugliness, and vice and I am left weak and dependent only on God.

Sorrow has brought me to a closer relationship with Christ.  I am thankful for that fruit.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near to the broken hearted, and saves the crushed in spirit. 

Suffering in whatever magnitude will occur in your life, use it to grow in holiness and for the good of others.  Don't miss the opportunity to offer your spilled milk, wrecked car, or injury, to unite yourself with Christ.  You will taste the fruit. 

2 Timothy 2:3 Share in suffering as a good soldier for Christ Jesus.

 

United With Christ

by Veronica Wallace

 

I walk into Gethsemane

To take my place in agony

Sorrow comes so readily

Embraces my fidelity

 

My turn to spend and take my share

Prepare my soul for cross to bear

Lay down my heart for him to tear

Eternal life to give repair

 

 Gethsemane

by Veronica Wallace

 

Today I went down to the Garden

To cry for my soul

I joined with Him who sorrows

For whom the bell tolls

 

He brought all humanity

The agony was crushing

I brought just my one

My misery was nothing

 

The blood came from the anguish

My soul laid out dead

He mourned the lost souls

My soul safe in heaven

 

From the Depths of Sorrow is a series in which I reveal my heart and personal journey through my grief. Our son, William, passed away at age 11 months and 10 days on April 24, 2012. He is dearly missed by everyone in our family and we hope to live a life worthy of reuniting with him and our first child that we lost through miscarriage.

 

What You Can Do

 

When a child dies, family and friends are at a loss for words.  What can I say that is comforting?  Do they want to be left alone?  I want to call, but I don't want to cause them more pain.  These are some of the thoughts that come up in the minds of others.  Many choose to stay silent, avoid eye contact, and keep to a distance.  Others choose to make contact, send emails or calls, and let those grieving know that they are available.

I would like to address this blog to those that feel they don't know what is the right thing to do.

1. There are no "right words".  There are no magical phrases that take the pain away from losing a loved one.  Words are still important to let others know you are thinking and praying for them.  When you speak, "I am praying for you today," it makes a connection from one heart to another.  Keep it simple and just be yourself.  It is okay to say, "I don't know what to say."  Don't worry about making someone cry because the hurt and tears are already inside of them and they will come out whether you reach out or not.  You can't make anyone hurt anymore than they are already hurting unless you just choose to be cruel. 

2.  It is nice to ask how you can help the family.  Sometimes the family won't know how to respond or what they need.  Try to give concrete examples to make it easier on them.  Can I set up a meal schedule for delivery to your home?  Can my boys come on Saturday to mow the lawn and do yard work?  Is there a day or days you need someone to babysit for you?  I'm going shopping this afternoon, what can I pick up for you?  I cannot stress enough what a huge help this is for a family.

3.  Stopping by their house to drop off toiletries, pantry foods (granola bars, cereal, crackers,) or other helpful items are a huge blessing.  Even if the family isn't home you can leave a note with the items on their doorstep and make their day a little brighter. 

4.  Sending cards, emails, phone calls etc... are just a few ways to let others know I am here for you.  Add a phrase that lets them know they don't need to return the call or reply to the note; it is just a loving gesture to say that you are thinking of them today.

5.  Follow their lead, which means if they let you know they want space and alone time then be respectful of their wishes.  When a grieving family shows up to an event they are letting others know that they are trying to reach out to others.  Meet them halfway by acknowledging their presence and making them feel welcomed. 

6.  There is no time limit when grief is completed or plan to grieve correctly.  Honestly I don't think I will ever heal but rather be transformed in an ongoing process.  Allow those grieving to grieve.  There is a desire for others to want the grieving person to get over it and get back to normal.  You can't tell someone how to grieve because everyone has their own journey.  Supporting the hurting heart is a beautiful work of mercy so don't rush anyone through their pain.

There is so much more I could say, but really it just boils down to being a good friend.  When you are a good friend, you will be loving those in need.  There are many families out there that are in need of this gift that you can provide.

 

There Are No Right Words

by Veronica Wallace

 

Oh there they are

I'll stand afar

To give them space

Won't see their face

I'll look away

Stand here and pray

I just don't know the words to say

 

Oh here we are

We've come this far

It's hard to stand

In a lonely land

We'll wait and see

Can you come to me?

A hug, a touch, is comforting

 

Everlasting

by Veronica Wallace

 

Get over it

Time has passed

Just how long

Will your grief last?

 

Move on ahead

Don't stay behind

Stuck in memories

Left in your mind

 

Say what you want

You just don't know

Love does not end

But always grows

 

My heart will ache

Each passing day

Love does not stop

Nor waste away

 

Gone from my touch

We are apart

Forever my child

Within my heart

 

Thank you to all my friends who have blessed our family over and over again with your loving gestures.  We are supported by your loving prayers and friendship even when some of you are miles away.  We would not be able to endure without each of you lifting us up.

From the Depths of Sorrow

 

From the Depths of Sorrow is a series in which I reveal my heart and personal journey through my grief.  Our son, William, passed away at age 11 months and 10 days on April 24, 2012.  He is dearly missed by everyone in our family and we hope to live a life worthy of reuniting with him and our first child that we lost through miscarriage.

 

The Question of Why?

 

Shortly after William passed away someone asked me if I had asked God, "Why?"  I hadn't asked the question nor did I feel compelled to ask.  I don't think it is a question to be answered.  It is not for me to understand.  It is just for me to accept.  I categorize it like any other mystery of faith.  Something for me to understand fully later but for now just to accept.

God knows what is best.  He knows what HE is doing and so I need not ask "Why?".  I just ask Him to help me to accept His Holy Will.  I ask for strength to accept that which has happened.  I ask Him to help me to submit myself completely to Him.  I ask for help so I can trust Him completely. 

I have felt tempted to ask "Why?" in the past but I didn't.  I feel to ask God "Why?" is futile.  For me it means not trusting and needing some other answer than- God loves us all.  He does what is best for us all so that is the answer to "Why?".  For me, to expect anything more to that answer is to not trust my Heavenly Father's decisions/actions/will.  I think of it in these terms and so I don't desire to ask the question.

Sometimes I want to say, "No Thank You".  I don't want this situation, it is too hard.  I want to step out and away from it but I can't walk out- I am in it.  It is mine, it has been given to me.  It is real, no matter how I would like to say this is not for me- it doesn't fit.  Nevertheless it belongs to me.  It is who I am.  I have lost a child, it is real.  It is not a dream; it is not a misunderstanding.  It is not something I have any power to change or control.  It is true with or without me.  It is mine whether or not I accept it. 

 

Indisputable

by Veronica Wallace

 

This is not a choice but real

The pain I feel

This is not a dream but today

My life awake

This is not an offer to permit or deny

All is mine

This is not for consideration or debate

Truth will wait

This is not to change or control

Nowhere for me to go

This is not something to refuse or reject

I pray for the strength to just accept

 

 

I choose to accept.  It is not a one time choice but a recurring one.

 

 

 

From the Depths of Sorrow is a series in which I reveal my heart and personal journey through my grief. Our son, William, passed away at age 11 months and 10 days on April 24, 2012. He is dearly missed by everyone in our family and we hope to live a life worthy of reuniting with him and our first child that we lost through miscarriage.

 

What Could Have Been Dilemma

 

When a loved one dies it is quite natural to ponder the experiences and life events that will never be accomplished.  It can be a source of great pain to dwell on missed opportunities.  One night my daughter was feeling this pain as she considered all that William did not get to do in life.  I shared with her my two thoughts on this dilemma.

1.  It is true there are many things he will never do.  He will never get married, graduate from high school, play a musical instrument, or make a scientific discovery.  There is also a list of things I am grateful that he will never do.  Here are a few:

Use his hands to pinch, hit, or push

Disobey his parents

Argue with his siblings

Say hurtful words to another

Offend God

Lose his faith

 

We smiled as we thought about all the things that we were glad William would never do! 

2.  My son lived 11 months and 10 days. I feel he lived his entire life-all that he was given.  I don't feel cheated. He was never meant to do any of those things. You can't miss out on something that was never meant to be done.

I described it to my daughter this way-  When a dog dies the owners are sad.  They don't lament the fact that the dog never climbed a tree, had kittens, or meowed.  He was a dog and was never meant to do any of those things.  I feel the same about William.  He was a baby that lived less than a year out of the womb and did everything he was able to do with his God given abilities.  When his time was over he didn't leave anything behind undone.  There isn't a woman out there that he was supposed to marry or a vocation that has an empty spot he was supposed to fill.  He lived his life completely! 

Psalm 139:16 Your eyes beheld my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them the days that were formed for me when as yet there was none of them.

 

You Lived Every Day of Your Life

by Veronica Wallace

 

No need to ask what you would have done

No need to consider things left undone

You did it all from beginning to end

Each moment you had, God did send

And now that there are no more days

Left in your earthly life to stay

Your task complete, your mission done

Your eternal life has now begun

 

I will celebrate William's birthday and I will know what age he would be as time passes.  I will wonder what he would have looked like as he grew and what would have been his favorites.  I hope to not dwell on "What Could Have Been" but rather enjoy the memories of "What Was". 

From the Depths of Sorrow is a series in which I reveal my heart and personal journey through my grief. Our son, William, passed away at age 11 months and 10 days on April 24, 2012. He is dearly missed by everyone in our family and we hope to live a life worthy of reuniting with him and our first child that we lost through miscarriage.

Inside My Heart

 

Sometimes the sorrow is crushing.  I find it hard to imagine anything hurting more because this is the most I've ever hurt.  My sadness weighs on me like a ton of bricks crushing my spirit.  I feel in the depths of sorrow.  Sometimes when I am here it is painful beyond belief.  Sometimes when I am there it is enlightening.

I go down deep to a place that has stripped me of everthing.  I feel completely barren and the only thing I have to cling to is faith.  When all is gone only God is left.  I think of Him like this rock that is strong and I thrust myself upon Him.

I realize just how little I am in this universe.  I realize how nothing matters but loving God by loving others.  I feel completely emptied of the cares of this world.  I liken it to being on my death bed.  Does anything really matter at that point?  All that is left is to go out of this world. 

 

From the Depths of Sorrow

by Veronica Wallace

 

Locked away in darkness

This is where I want to be

Gloom can encompass me

Sorrow can envelop me

Pain can consume me

Heartache can discourage me

Suffering can become me

 

 

I remain among the living and my vocation calls me to be in this world of needing to do stuff.  I am called to care about the little things that seem so unimportant.  I am called to care about the big things that do need my attention.  I am called to continue despite my grief.  I struggle to continue and go very slow, clinging to my rock.

 

Never Alone

by Veronica Wallace

 

I do not cry in secret

Away from God's eyes

I do not suffer by myself

 

No, He is not standing by me

Saying everything will be okay

 

He is not comforting me

Telling me to be at peace

 

When I am in the depths

In the Garden of my agony

God sorrows with me 

 

 

 

We sang the following verse in Church one day and I identified with it so readily that I wrote it down when I got home.  "And when human hearts are breaking under sorrow's iron rod, Then we find that self-same aching deep within the heart of God."  Timothy Rees hymnographer

Remember when you are suffering, God sorrows with you.

 

 

A New Series to Begin

 

When we were at the hospital with our son William, a wonderful friend came to the hospital bringing a box of goodies.  In that box was a 3 ring binder filled with blank paper and this has been one of the greatest comforts to me.  Starting that day, our family took turns writing to William, to God, our thoughts, etc...  I have kept writing and have filled many pages in that notebook.  It allows me to pour my emotions and insights out of me and onto the paper. 

The binder has gone with me pretty much everywhere I go.  I write in it almost everyday.  I've revealed my heart in a very personal way.  I have written and talked with friends about William's death and a few have mentioned that I should blog my thoughts or share with others.  At first I took these requests lightly not thinking anyone would really want to read the musings of a grieving mother.  I prayed about it and gave it to God.  I told Him in prayer that if I was asked again to share or someone told me that it benefited them that I would share it publicly.  Weeks have past since then and today on the phone a friend told me how much they liked reading my emails and knowing about how we are doing.

So I've decided to dedicate a series to sharing my grief and revealing my sorrows and thoughts to others.  I am no expert in bereavement or theology.  My words are just my words and are not meant to be anything more.  If you find it helpful to your life, great.  If you find it depressing, then my apologies ahead of time and skip this series entitled "From the Depths of Sorrow". 

 

Subtitles in this series include: 

 

The Question of Why?

The Gift of Tragedy

Fruits of Sorrow

Ministering to the Grieving

"What Could Have Been" Dilemma 

 

Please keep in mind that my posts in this series are my own thoughts and feelings and are not meant to criticize nor extol others feelings or beliefs.  They are simply my viewpoint which is one among many.

 

In Search of Motivation

 

Usually by this time of year, my research is nearing the end and I am ready to start ordering materials.  This year is quite different.  I've shelved everything and my excitement is lacking.  Perhaps the thought of planning a new school year is making you feel overwhelmed too.  If this be the case then join me in the search for motivation.

 

My God

He has given me these wonderful children to spend my days enjoying and loving them.  He has entrusted me to provide them with guidance that will one day lead to glorious eternity.  I can't let Him down.

 

My Children

I want them to be excited about school and enjoy learning.  I want them to see our future days as an adventure that leads them to exploration and discovery of their abilities and talents.  I can't let them down.

 

My Husband

He doesn't question my choices and is totally supportive.  He puts full trust in that our children will be well educated and gives me plenty of love to make it happen.  I can't let him down.

 

Myself

I know why I started homeschooling in the first place.  I have totally embraced this lifestyle and feel that it rewards me beyond my expectations.  I don't want that to stop.  I can't let myself down.

 

So now I encourage you to make your own list if you are looking for that motivation.  Why are you homeschooling?  It doesn't have to be a long list but a quality one.  I need to remember that even when I don't feel like moving forward there are many reasons why I should do it anyways. 

I know once I get started reviewing and researching that my excitement will begin to grow again. 

I know some days I won't want to even look at materials. 

I know in the end it will get done because of the reasons listed above.  

I don't know how long it will take me to accomplish.

 

This will be a learning experience for myself and my kids.  Doing something good and right even when it isn't easy will be the first lesson for the next school year!