Social Graces Should Surround Us

In the daily life of homeschooling it can be easy to forget some key points.  Yes, assignments need to get done.  Yes, appointments have to be kept.  Yes, household duties need to be completed.  The list goes on...

As parents we are privileged to be able to spend our days with our children.  Teaching them academics, but also the social graces needed for a fruitful life.  All the academics are great, but will only turn out a knowledgeable adult without the common sense on how to use that knowledge for a greater good.

So how can we teach these social graces?  Definitely not from a book.  You can get ideas and inspirations from books but the ultimate lesson is in modeling those characteristics.  Characteristics that are so important that they will make a lasting impression on our children.  We can also encourage them to follow our example and look for ways to grow in social graces. 

5 Great Ways to Get Started

1.  How often there are events or social gatherings where someone new is present.  No one really knows the new girl and she might sit off to the side or by herself.  Do we look around the room to see an opportunity to introduce ourselves and make them feel welcomed?

 2.  A familiar scene is when a group of women are chatting and a person comes up that knows one of the women in the group and chats only with them.  Does the woman coming up make a point to say hello to the others and meet them?  Does her friend make a point to tell everyone, "This is my friend ____." and a little bit about her to initiate conversation. 

 3.  It is easy to remind our children to say please and thank you.  Do we use these words with our children as well?  Or just shoot out commands?  Do we tell our friends please and thank you?  Spouses like to hear it too. 

 4.  Opportunities to serve a family or individual in need are constant.  Bringing a meal, mowing a lawn, running errands, taking care of children or the sick and elderly are all beautiful gifts that are deeply appreciated by the recipients.  It shows love in action.  Involving our kids to help us with these tasks makes them all the sweeter.  We get to spend time with our children bringing love to others.

 5.  Teaching your children to pray for others is invaluable.  It not only teaches them where true trust lies as we put our humble requests at God's throne, but it shows compassion for others in an outspoken way.  The children hear our prayers for a special intention and can create their own because they have heard real life examples. 

 In reality living social graces is living as a Christian.  Including others so they don't feel left out, taking into consideration another's thoughts and feelings about a situation, saying we are sorry when we have done wrong, forgiving those that have hurt us, looking for opportunities to bring joy to others, these are just some of the daily lessons that really make the homeschool education more than just a set of academic requirements.

In The Trenches

Each day seems to be more difficult than the previous.  Each day seems like this trial will go on forever.  Each day we have to strive to persevere.

In particular I am referring to my grieving for my son, but I realize that the words above can apply to a variety of situations.  Whether it be discipline issues, health problems, or homeschool challenges, we have to pull ourselves up for our family and for ourselves.

The family is a wonderful gift.  Yes, it can cause pain and we can respond in frustration.  Yes, we can experience the pain, and respond in a loving manner.  This is hard.  It is easier said then done. 

Change Our Perspective

We can look at the struggles we are in and complain.  Once we are done nothing has changed and we might even feel more self-pity.  How about seeing our struggles as a blessing?  Asking ourselves questions like:  How can I learn from this situation?  What virtues can I put into practice?  How can I be a better person?

For some we might think that the problem lies with our child, husband, neighbor, or something else outside of us, and they are the ones that need to change.  We can all use improvement- there is no denial about that fact.  While we cannot change another persons behavior we can change ourselves.  We can change how we respond to that person or situation.  No, they probably will not see you being loving and think I need to amend my ways.  It may take a long time and they might not come around to seeing things your way.  In the meantime at least you are making sure to be loving on your end. You are striving to be a better person. You are growing in virtue. You are persevering through the difficulties.

For me, accepting my son is gone (which is difficult to do) does not make the pain go away.  I can fight the pain and be angry or thank God for it.  I have chosen to be thankful.  Every tear I shed represents the love in my heart.  I think of all my tears being collected and one day being returned to me as joy.

No one asks to be challenged with troubles but they come.  In the midst of it all it is easy to see life as overwhelming and recognize your helplessness.  But we are not helpless, we have free will, free will to decide how we are going to live.

You can read tips and books on discipline, try a new therapy, get advice from friends, and so forth.  None of this will help if our attitudes are poor.  We have to decide to improve our outlook and choose to love others and ourselves.  If we do this then when things are monumentally difficult we can still persevere.

Another Child?

This can be an easy question or a difficult one.  Some desire to have another child but that desire remains unfulfilled.  Some don't even want to consider another child because life is just too hectic at present.  Some are just not sure if this is the "right" time.

Wherever you are on the question, maybe none of the above.  I would like to share our present situation with you.

In February, my husband and I knew that partaking in the marital embrace could result in a pregnancy.  Our little one was about to turn 9 months old.  He was crawling everywhere and getting into everything and bringing a smile to everyone's face as he did it. 

March came and my temperatures were up (we use natural family planning) and we were pretty sure I might be pregnant.  We did have some possible doubts because my cycles were also behaving in a premenopausal way.  We confirmed our pregnancy and told the kids on my daughter's 7th birthday at the end of March. 

Once in a while I would think about how I would do a task with a nursing baby and 17 month old running around.  I wouldn't spend much time pondering and just answer myself like I always did.  "God will help me and it will all work out."  This wasn't new because I always before had a new baby and and an older baby to care for together.  I told my now 10 month old that he was going to be a big brother.  I was hoping for a boy so they would be close in age and the same sex. 

All the kids knew the routine.  Mom is having a baby for us.  I always presented a new sibling as a gift to my children.  I think this helps avoid any negative feelings by the children because they know from the beginning it is more their baby than mine.  I am the one growing their gift.  Little ones would latch onto this excitement and hug or kiss my belly and say to me, "When are you going to get my baby out?"

Outsiders and unfortunately family members can look at an expecting mom with small children and think and say unkind discouraging words.  How are you going to take care of them all?  How are you going to watch a newborn and a toddler at the same time?  You should have waited longer before coming out pregnant again.

April came around and my baby turned 11 months old.  The one in my womb was around 10 weeks.  All was going well.  Everyone was growing, healthy, learning, loving, and enjoying life. 

On April 23, my happy, healthy, beautiful 11 month old stopped breathing and his heart stopped beating.  Totally unexpected and unexplainable.    On April 24, my 11 month old entered into eternal rest. 

Currently I am still pregnant, a little over 3 months.  I pray that I will carry this baby to term and have my arms filled once again.  This baby is by no means a replacement for our dear departed son, but amid my pain and sorrow, this baby represents a hope within me.  A hope to nurse again, a hope to hold a baby of my own again, a hope to kiss little feet again, and all the things that mommies love to do.

I present this story to you because the question of another child can seem clear cut at times or so we think.  We don't know the future and perspective can change overnight.  When we conceived our current pregnancy we had no idea, our baby son was going to die in a few months.  Don't be afraid to be open to life.  God will not give you anything that you can't handle.  If things are hard and it brings you to your knees and you're praying more- isn't that a good thing?  Don't misinterpret my thoughts; I am not saying, "Just have as many kids as you can and it will all work out."  

I just want you to prayerfully consider if another child is a question for you.  If you are expecting a baby now and wondering how you are going to accomplish it all; know that God is ready to take your efforts and bless them if you allow Him to do so.